Bob.But to no avail.She knew the time was very near and her body would release her sadness. She could feel it coming. Welling up inside of her. As it approached she dreaded the moment.She had never felt so sad in all of her life.Never had she felt this helpless. Not even the times she spent with Bob before she trusted he would not just "Throw Her Away."Another tear seeped from the edge of her eye to trace a path down her face. She could feel the pain of sadness creeping up through her.Lost in the moment as she gripped Bob's shoulder tightly and steadied herself with her other hand on that mahogany railing, Mandy didn't hear the soft sound of a door opening and then latching quietly behind her. Footsteps approaching her were silent.With a huge gasp and a cry of sorrowful pain, Mandy could no longer hold back her sorrow and the tears flowed freely down her face. The only thing she had ever wanted, the best thing that had ever happened to her, The Love Of Her Life ... was lost.Who was. Even my genitals are atrophied, hardly able to argue the case for mymaleness.Actually, this sounds really vain, but I look beautiful. As beautiful asany other Pachtikl woman. I guess that's basically what I am, for now - awhite-skinned Pachtikl woman. Does life throw you curveballs or what?Feb. 16, 2001I miss the Pachtikl terribly, but I also miss my Mom. Maybe nursing ababy gave me a new understanding of the maternal bond. I wish I could gostraight back to her, but it would be too much of a shock for her to seeme this way. Instead, I decided to go stay with my big sister Carrie inLA until my body is fixed. I tried to tell Carrie what was up on thephone, but couldn't quite get up the nerve. I hope it doesn't freak herout too much. She must have figured something was up, especially with myhigh voice, but she just said she wanted to see me. I wish I had the gutsto warn her.My plane won't leave until tomorrow. I submitted a final report to thechurch missionary office by mail.
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